...while local brides are not

...while local brides are not

Goh Chin Lian

1 October 2006

Straits Times

Far fewer S'pore women than men marry foreigners, but sociologist believes number likely to rise

BANK executive H.H. Lim broke up with her British boyfriend when his work contract ended and he decided to leave Singapore.

He wanted to go to London, South America or the United States, but she wanted to live in Singapore, or at least in a neighbouring country, so that she could visit her 63-year-old father regularly.

Ms Lim, 32, said: 'Either he stays or I go, which means giving up my career, family and friends. It was too big a decision to make after going out for just a year.'

The possibility of having to leave the country may be part of the reason far fewer Singapore women than men marry foreigners. Even so, the number of female Singaporeans and permanent residents marrying foreign men has gone up slightly over the past 10 years.

Last year, 1,596 local women married foreign men, up from 1,134 in 1996.

Sociologist Paulin Straughan believes there are fewer foreign marriages among women here due to a difference in opportunity. A significant proportion of single people in Singapore includes either less-educated men or highly-educated women, she said.

About one in four men aged 40 to 44 with less than a secondary school education was single last year, compared with one in 10 graduate men, according to Department of Statistics figures.

The figures for women are, tellingly, a mirror image of those for men. Among women in the same age group who had less than a secondary school education, only one in 10 was single. Yet among female graduates, that figure shoots up to one in four.

Men unable to find a local wife can use one of the many matchmaking agencies to find brides in the region who are seeking a better life, said Mrs Straughan. This option is not open to women. Also, educated Singapore women with stable careers are not looking to marry just for economic security or to have children.

'You no longer have to marry an ATM. You want value-added: romantic love, companionship, social and emotional support,' Mrs Straughan said.

But she believes the number of Singaporean women marrying foreigners may increase as more of them delay marriage to advance their careers and studies.

'If more of them are going overseas for education and work, and if we open our doors to foreign talent, the chances of the women who are single and young finding a foreign mate are significant.'

The actual number of foreign marriages may also be higher than official statistics show, as some women register the marriage in the husband's home country.

Singaporean architect Natalie Tan, 30, married a Swiss professor in Switzerland in 2003 and did not register her marriage here.

Senior credit analyst Adrianna Yap-Banquil, 33, married an American accountant in the US in 2000. They live in Hawaii.

'I have a couple of girlfriends here too who did not get married in Singapore. One married in the US and the other in Scotland,' she said.

Dating agency Lunch Actually, whose clients are white-collar professionals, says Singapore women are becoming more open to the idea of dating foreign men.

Owner Violet Lim says about six in 10 of her women clients include Caucasians when stating their preferences, up from four in 10 around two years ago.

Ms Laura Tan, a teacher in her mid-30s, has been seeing a 40-year-old Australian company director for the past month and is hoping it will turn out better than her two previous three-year relationships with Singaporean men.

She fell out with the first over a difference of views.

'I felt I was being pressed down, that a Chinese woman shouldn't be talking so much. But I needed to have my say,' she said.

She thought the other was too much of a mummy's boy.

'As a grown man, you should have your own point of view, not run to your mum when you can't cope with something. I need a sense of security.'

She also dated an Australian for about two years, but he put his career first and they did not spend much time together, she said.

Australian Matthew Gyde, 33, a general manager in an IT firm here, has dated three Singaporean women.

He found the first two women 'attractive, very intelligent and with a good sense of humour'. But it was the third woman, 31-year-old auditor Cecilia, who enthralled him.

'She had a bubbly personality. She was intelligent and she knew about things going on in the world. She was also smart at her work.'

She had studied in Australia and had no qualms speaking her mind.

'I wouldn't be interested in a demure woman,' said Mr Gyde.

They married two years ago and have a 10-month-old son. Cecilia is now three months pregnant.