No man is an island, no woman either

No man is an island, no woman either

Ong Soh Chin, Senior Writer

17 August 2006, Straits Times, SPH

THERE'S never been a better time to be a woman, in more ways than you think.

For one, more attention is being paid to women's health issues.

Apart from the obvious child-bearing concerns, doctors are, thankfully, now taking a more holistic approach to treating women, which includes attending to our mental and emotional well-being and treating us as actual persons and not baby machines.

On Sept 2 and 3, the Obstetrical and Gynaecological Society of Singapore (OGSS) will hold a public forum called Seasons Of Womanhood. The first day deals with women in the 'spring' of their lives - those who are entering or are in the prime of their child-bearing years. The second day focuses on those in their 'golden years'. In the press kit, the organisers note chivalrously that a woman 'never reaches autumn or winter but instead enters her Golden Years'.

The range of topics which will be discussed is interesting. On Day 1, apart from factual questions like 'What are sexual diseases? Am I at risk?', there are also questions which deal with emotional issues, like 'Am I ready for sex?' and 'What do I need to prepare for pregnancy?' On Day 2, quality-of-life issues like 'How can I have a fulfilling sex life?' and 'How do I prevent premature ageing?' go hand in hand with 'Why can't I control my urine?'

It is becoming increasingly clear that a woman's attitude to herself has physical ramifications. In other words, it is not enough for a woman to know about the birds and the bees, but also how she feels about the birds and the bees.

Last year, according to the Ministry of Health, 1,111 women aged 20 to 24 developed sexually transmitted infections (STIs), compared to only 376 in the same age group in 2000. Also, one in four pregnancies was aborted in 2004.

There is obviously some need for concern, which is why the OGSS will be conducting, for the first time, a women's sexual health survey on the 1,000 participants at the forum. The survey questions, which will be in English, Chinese and Malay, will cover their sexual habits, contraception usage and knowledge of STIs.

The results, which OGSS will collate and analyse with a statistician, will be published in a medical journal.

I could be wrong, but my guess is that our young people do not lack knowledge. What they probably lack are the skills to apply this knowledge to their everyday lives. For example, how do you tell a love-starved girl to put off having sex if she believes her boyfriend will dump her if she says no?

As Singapore moves forward and becomes more globalised and sophisticated, it is not a lack of knowledge that will be the stumbling block in our young women's sexual health, it is a lack of emotional and psychological resilience.

A recent New York Times article by David Brooks (published in these pages on May 12) cites a 1970 experiment by psychologist Walter Mischel in which four-year-olds were left in a room with a bell and a marshmallow.

If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. But if they did not ring the bell and waited for him to return on his own, they could then have two marshmallows.

Mr Mischel found that the children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores, got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They also received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years on and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32.

Everything, it would seem, boils down to delayed self-gratification. Mr Brooks writes: 'For people without self-control, school is a series of failed ordeals. No wonder they drop out. Life is a parade of foolish decisions: teen pregnancy, drugs, gambling, truancy and crime.

'If you are a policymaker and you are not talking about core psychological traits like delayed gratification skills, then you're just playing with proxy issues - not the crux of the problem.'

Singaporean women are lucky. We get excellent health care and we have access to many medical resources. But what we lack is a transparency and a willingness to speak frankly about issues that are deemed private or embarrassing.

What is needed is some social deprogramming, not only on the part of women and doctors, but also men.

We need to talk about tough issues like responsible sexual behaviour and active parenting.

What were previously deemed 'women's problems'' should be everyone's problem.

They say that no man is an island. No woman is either.

___

I can't agree more.

Child Sex Tourism & Sex Slavery and Prostitution

"Modern day slavery". Prostitution in Thailand

“They say my shell is too small
I shrug it off with a smile
For I take pride in my shell
A frog can dream once in a while”
– Paiwarin Khao-Ngam
“Under a Coconut Shell”

To every one of us being a child means playing, laughing, eating ice cream, being surrounded with loving and caring parents. For children in Thailand however, this is just a mere image of the impossible. Thousands of them are tricked, drugged and then sold or abducted into prostitution. Trafficking in human beings for the purpose of prostitution is described as “the modern day slavery”. As Orlando Patterson, a Sociologist at Harvard University defined it, “slavery is the permanent, violent domination of natally alienated and generally dishonored persons”. It robs the individual of her honor, self respect and self consciousness.

We might ask ourselves why would this modern form of slavery exist today? One of the major reasons it still functions and generates tremendous profit is the fact that the poor parents sell their daughters and in some cases even young boys into prostitution or nicely put debt bondage to afford basic necessities like food, land or tools. It’s very simple and looks quite innocent; a well dressed Thai criminal playing a rich broker arrives in the small poor village to “hunt” for new fresh bodies, preferably young and innocent virgins because they bring higher price and pose less of a threat of exposure to STD’s. He lures parents into selling their daughters by bribing them with few hundreds dollars or pretends to represent a factory worker from far off a land who is not related to sex trade and who recruits new workers for his factory. The parents sign the debt agreement (with a mutual understanding that the daughter may only return once she has paid her debt through the labor). Many of the girls being sold believe that they are going to work as housemaids, in beauty salons, shops, bars, or restaurants. (“A Modern Form of Slavery: Trafficking and Child Prostitution in Northern Thailand”)

In reality they are transported southern brothel where they are beaten, raped, and put to work servicing 10 to 20 men a day. They have only few days off a month for their period, and a daily allowance of about $1.20 must pay for their food and all other expenses. Those children undergo sexual, physical and mental abuse, are forced to serve customers “The immediate and forceful application of terror is the first step in successful enslavement” (“Women Refugees Face Sex Slavery in Thailand”)

Another type of slavery is the illegal confinement and forced labor where most of the children enter into prostitution forcefully. Their abductor uses a combination of physical and mental abuse, threats of revenge and even death. Often most of the brothels are surrounded by electrical fences making it impossible for the girls to escape. This harsh treatment causes a tremendous psychological trauma for those young children. Just within few hours of being brought into the brothel those girls are still in pain and shock. The youngest of children who have a little
understanding of what is happening is overwhelming and causes a horrible trauma
At first as they resist sexual encounters, they’re badly beaten and some might be killed. Many children forced into prostitution however are often constantly raped to degrade, humiliate, and to break down their resistance by destroying one crucial thing, their sense of self worth. (“Women Refugees Face Sex Slavery in Thailand”)

According to the online article titled “Slavery in Thailand Today” another reason why child prostitution still exists is because of the corruption of the government and political system which causes the issue of sexual slavery to be overlooked and minimized. Many police officers are paid of by pimps or brothels’ owners and are themselves regular customers, thus not only overlooking the problem itself but also participating and supporting it. Also the Thai culture regards sex not as sin but as a normal, every day “leisure” activity depicting women as sex objects for the pleasure of men. Wives often send their husbands to brothels because they view this unattached form of sex as not threatening to the martial stability.
What are the statistics on child prostitution and its spread?

Well for one Thailand is currently called “Disneyland for pedophiles” and has up to 600,000 AIDS cases and a huge sex-for-sale industry, driven mostly by European and American tourists who come to rent what they want. It is estimated that the number of prostitutes in Thailand ranges from 800,000 to 2 million. Among which 20% of Thailand Prostitutes are 18 or younger.(“Disneyland for Pedophiles”)
Why is this multi million dollar industry still functioning?

Currently it is illegal under Thai law to have sex with girls less than fifteen years of age. Many Thai politicians and community leaders want the age limit raised to sixteen or eighteen and include boys as well since there is no mention of them in the law. However the corruption stands in the way of improving the conditions and punishing those responsible. Police officers or even politicians are bought to help protect those who are being prosecuted for sexually exploiting children. In some parts of Thailand prostitution became a fastest and most convenient way of making good money and many are not willing to give that up even if it means hurting the innocent. (“A walk on the Depraved Side”)
While I was writing this paper I encountered few very touching stories of some young individuals. One is about Nang Hom who was sold into prostitution by her father when she was just seven years old. The money from the transaction went into financing father’s heroin addiction. She was drugged and forced out of her home in Burma to one of Thai’s brothels where she lived for over five years. She was serving mostly 20 men a day and engaging in various distorted sexual activities for no pay. She was finally rescued by police however too late, some time after she was tested HIV positive.

Another story is about a Thai girl named Fon who dropped out of school at the age of 12 and who was lured into a big city where imprisoned and forced into local brothel she was forced to have sex with many different men every day, and
each of her attempts to escape ended up in severe beatings. Because of the beating she became very sick and couldn’t perform daily sexual services, thus the owner of the brothel seeing no profit realized her out on the street. Later on she had a baby who died of AIDS related illness.

Listening to those stories makes me wonder about all the children who were affected by this cruel money hungry industry. Nobody worries about the psyches of these kids, about their needs, wants. Most of them are on the verge of post traumatic stress disorders. They experience images of trauma like beating, rape or screaming ever day, often crying at night. Those children might constantly think of reasons why
their parents sold them, why their pimps mistreat them and keep blaming themselves for all the pain in their lives. “What is wrong with me?” is the question they often ask. These thoughts always haunt them causing those kids to sink into depression even deeper, “until it causes an incredible darkness and worthlessness”. To those children suicide may be the only way to set their minds and souls free and to end their suffering.

The body’s filth cannot touch the pure soul, and snowdrifts cannot destroy living seeds. This life is but a threshing floor of sorrows in which souls have their adversities sifted out before they give their yield…You are oppressed, Marta, and the one who wronged you is the owner of mansions, the possessor of great wealth and a small soul- Kahlil Gibran

Article link>>

MORE>>
wiki Thai sex tourism


Child sex tourism

July 21, 2006,Barbara Kralis, RenewAmerica analyst

Child Sex Tourism [CST] entails tourists, mostly men, engaged in sex trafficking by purposely traveling to known sex destinations, seeking anonymity in pornography or prostitution, or engaging in pederasty with young children and homosexuality with young and older adults.

These sexual offenders come from all different cultures and socio-economic levels, many holding positions of government and religious leadership, faithfulness, and trust. The U.S. Department of State reported previous cases of CST involving U.S. citizens that included a pediatrician, a retired Army sergeant, a dentist, and a university professor. Many times, the sex tourists travel with illegal drugs purposely to control the minor's will or to bait and solicit sex with the minor.

The Vatican has recently warned in a new Document, 'Pastoral Care For The Liberation of Women of the Street' [street prostitutes], that men who are clients of prostitution have deep-seated problems as they, too, are enslaved in sex and domination. The document reveals that the largest numbers of men are over 40 years of age, but there are an increasing number of younger men, between 16-24, involved as well. The Vatican reported that 500,000 women from Eastern Europe are enslaved into prostitution on the streets of Western Europe, alone.

Pope Benedict XVI warned the Bishops of Sri Lanka in May 2005: "No effort must be spared to encourage civil authorities and the international community to fight child abuse and assure young people the necessary legal protection."

Siri's story of child sex tourism
"Thailand has always had slavery but never before on this scale and never before as the new slavery," said Dr. Kevin Bales to this journalist. Dr. Bales describes one young sex slave, Siri, whom he met and interviewed at a brothel in Ubon Ratchitani, northeastern Thailand:

"When Siri wakes, it is about noon. In the instant of waking, she knows exactly who and what she has become. The soreness in her genitals reminds her of the fifteen men she had sex with the night before. Siri is fifteen years old. Sold by her parents a year ago to a woman broker from a Northern village, the broker assured her parents they would be well paid for their daughter. After some negotiation, they received 50,000 baht [$1,318] for Siri. This exchange began the process of debt bondage that is used to enslave the girl. The daughter's labor must pay back the loaned money before she is free to leave the brothel. However, her debt has escalated in a short time to 200,000 baht for her rent, food, drinks, medicine, and fines if she did not work hard enough.

"Siri's resistance and desire to escape the brothel are breaking down, and acceptance and resignation are taking their place. After she was sold and taken to the brothel, she discovered that the work was not what she thought it would be. Siri had a sheltered childhood and was ignorant of what it meant to work in a brothel. Her first client hurt her and at the earliest opportunity, she ran away. On the street with no money, she was quickly caught, dragged back, beaten, and raped. That night she was forced to take on a chain of clients until the early morning. The beatings and work continued night after night until her will was broken. Now she is sure that she is a bad person. Girls in Thailand, like Siri, are sold into sex slavery by the thousands. Money, culture, and society blend in new and powerful ways to enslave girls like Siri." (Source: "Disposable People-New Slavery in the Global Economy," by Dr. Kevin Bales, University of California Press, 1999.)

CHARITY GALA OF SINGAPORE DREAMING

CHARITY GALA OF SINGAPORE DREAMING – in aid of AWARE
August 30 2006, Wednesday
7:00pm - 9:00pm

The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) is proud to present, as its charity gala, the highly acclaimed, feel-good and thought-provoking movie, Singapore Dreaming.

Directed by two of Singapore’s most talented directors, husband and wife team, Woo Yen Yen and Colin Goh (“Talking Cock” Fame), Singapore Dreaming is a darkly humorous film which examines in a very human way, and most astutely, the idea of the Singapore Dream a.k.a. the 5 Cs.

"It is life in its reality"
- President S. R. Nathan, President of
Singapore

"Just plain brilliant"
- A Nutshell Review, Singapore's top movie
review website

This heartwarming movie will touch you, tickle you and make you ask “what is my life about”, “what really, truly matters?” And even though reality is uncomfortable, the underlying theme is one of hopefulness and the humour always shines through.

Support AWARE and this wonderful film. Buy your tickets to the Charity Gala of Singapore Dreaming Today. All proceeds will go to AWARE with the objective of raising $10,000 for its support, research and educational programmes.

TICKET PRICES: $30 (Bulk Bookings are available, including bookings of whole theatrettes)

DATE: 30th August 2006 (Wednesday)

TIME: 7 pm (exact time to be confirmed)

VENUE: Golden Village Grand, Great World City

Call AWARE at 6779 7137 or email premiere@aware.org.sg for tickets and enquiries.

Please make all cheques to "AWARE", write your name, contact number and number of tickets on the back of the cheque and send it to: -

AWARE
Blk 5 Dover Crescent
#01-22
Singapore 130005

event link>>

fridae link>>

Official movie website>>

85 Broads and NUS Business School BBA Career Services invite you ...

85 Broads and NUS Business School BBA Career Services invite you to
celebrate the release of MORE THAN 85 BROADS Women Making Career Choices,
Taking Risks, and Defining Success on Their Own Terms by Janet Hanson and 95 Amazing Women from The 85 Broads Network.

Please join us for a panel discussion and a book signing with Grace Park
(in the Officers chapter) whose remarkable story is featured in this book!

6:30pm Registration
7:00pm 85 Broads introduction
7:15pm NUS Business School BBA Career Services Introduction
7:25pm Panel Discussion:
Women Blazing Their Own Trails
8:00pm Dinner and book signing

Proceeds from book sales will benefit women entrepreneurs affected by the Jakarta earthquake.


Women Blazing Their Own Trails Panelists:

Aidan Siobhan Madigun-Curtis (Moderator) Student, Harvard Faculty of Arts and Sciences
Patricia Haas Cleveland Senior Vice President, Senior Client Relationship Management, Lehman Brothers
Catherine Loh General Manager, Lehman Brothers
Grace Park Entecavir Brand Manager, Bristol-Myers Squibb Company
Lucy Chow Senior Vice President, Market Development, Asia Pacific, HSBC
Michelle Eyles Entrepreneur

Friday, August 18, 2006 6:30PM • NUS Kent Ridge Guild House, Singapore

e-invite link >>

85 Broads Blog>>

About 85 Broads>>

______

Some post-event thoughts and learning points:


Grace Park. Entrepreneur (Crowd's fav)

• Turning crisis or struggles into opportunity to learn
• Facing struggles at younger age helped her, felt that was a gift (middle child, Korean)
• Rise up to challenges--> channeling this energy as an opportunity to excel
• Engage in activitites that can develop an identity --> through sports
• parents as champions, encouraging her
• hard work paid off
• Along the way, build confidenc, after a few small wins
• A virtuous cycle
• Seek greater challenges, greater wins thereafter
• How you handle stress (stress management at a younger age makes things better)
  
• Two Choices: (approaches)
• "To do nothing" OR "Face Adversity and allow yourself develop your ideas"
• Excel in Sports--> Judo (black belt); She practices everyday, art of defending the self
• Miltitary background; went through rigorous training programme
• Let successes in one area grow/flow into other areas--> Achieve ultimate goal

GEMS:

• Create your own opportunity
• Surround yourself with champions
• Be persistence in finding your own mentor
• Seek crisis as opportunity to excel
• Choose to be positive (Are you the driver or passenger?)
• Know your own source of motivation
• "Passion" OR "Fear of failure" (Park notes it's not sustainable if it's the latter)
• Drawing upon my passion
• Recognise your source of motivation, else what is your passion?
• Stay discipline
• Perservance

______
Patricia (senior VP)

• What is your love/your passion?
• Keep you eyes on the big picture
• Women often hard on themselves to be perfect
• Don't believe in zero-sum game
• Have to be flexible; always got trade-offs
• Good things that happen to her came as surprises
• Be open to new ideas

_______
Catherine Loh
GM, Lehman Brothers, worked with Goldman Sachs

On women being treated equally in Asia...

Talking about women in finance

• Self-esteem, self-confidence
• Do what you want
• Don't let othes put ideas into you
• Competence more than gender
• Encounter no biz gender bias, as Lehman encourages diversity in workplace.

______

Michelle Eyles

Michelle Eyles has been a friend of Janet Hanson and her family for over 8 years and in that time has had the opportunity to see the development of 85 Broads from its humble beginnings to where it is today. Michelle traveled for 8 years around the world involved in Sports Marketing and Management for her now husband who was formerly the World Champion on the international Squash Tour. She has had the opportunity to develop her understanding of different cultures and experience the many challenges that go with living abroad throughout this period of her life and has lived in both Italy and Bermuda. Today, Michelle is an Entrepreneur – owning 3 Franchise business’ in Australia. She has won numerous business awards including the Australian Ella Bache Franchise of the Year in 2004 and several National Business Development Awards.She resides on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia with her husband and two children.

• What makes you happy?
• To experience life experiences
• Go out of your comfort zone
• Believe in yourself
• Choose how you want to live your life...not being CEO, but to be HAPPY!